yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
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