he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
