I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Randomize
