Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
