She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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