after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
