We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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