Sry I called you an 8
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize