i wish there were pregnant emoticons
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
Randomize
