I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Randomize
