Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize