I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
