And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
