I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
