The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
