my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
