Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
