I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Randomize
