he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
