So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Randomize
