she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
