I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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