you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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