At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Randomize
