she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I'm sobbing to NWA
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
