When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
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