we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
