When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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