I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Randomize
