Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Randomize
