I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
