I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
then he tried to convert me to islam
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
