I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize
