im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
