I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize