You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Randomize
