i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
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