you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
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