Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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