i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
