is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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