I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize