you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Randomize
