the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Randomize
