So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
