she looked like the before picture.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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