you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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