I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
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