): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Why are your pants in the freezer?
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
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