In America we eat man semen.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Randomize
