I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
