am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Randomize
