It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
