Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
