Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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