all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
40s are totally the cure
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
last night I used snow as a chaser
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
