if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
