Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Randomize
