Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Randomize
