So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
