Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Randomize
