maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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