Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Randomize
