im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
