she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
