out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
