it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
