Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
