some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Randomize
