she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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