The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Randomize
