I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
