Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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