My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize