fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
