he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Iām going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
His nipple licking is glorious
Randomize
