Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
