I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
